An American Three Party Problem

So RFK Jr. had parasitic worms in his brain. Unfortunately, not the truck stop egg salad worms from Futurama Season 3 “Parasites Lost” that made Fry a genius. No, these were worms reduce your spousal support payments in a divorce. And, as a quick aside, Kennedy presented his malady as an exotic third-world infection, like coming back from the Raj with malaria. However, it just takes one pork eater’s poorly washed hands and squatters are in your brain. Not very woke here.

But see this parasite as an allegorical life cycle of egg to larvae to unwashed hands holding American third parties. Perot gave us Clinton, Nader gave us Bush, Stein gave us the Orange Turd, and so it goes. It is structurally impossible for a third party to be anything more than a spoiler in national politics. Votes for a third party are just the electoral unsanitary handling of votes that leave our body politic with a gnawed brain, turning us into an indebted tax cutting zombie with a horrible hangover.

The Three Party Problem

Since the end of the Reconstruction Era at least, Democrats and Republicans worked in common interest to keep others out of the electoral sandbox and trade offices between themselves. Most states make it damn near impossible to be an ongoing third party, based on requirements to continually get certain percentages of the vote in a gubernatorial or presidential races to have any benefit from being a “major” party. Most states, with New York the most prominent exception, even bar candidates from being endorsed by more than one political party. This cuts off small parties from being able to demonstrate a link from their positions to votes a candidate. So, the Working Families party in New York can show their relevance in ways impossible for the rest of the nation.

Appointments to various boards and commissions from Alcohol to Zoning are often allocated to parties, with the party of the state’s governor given a one additional appointment to give their party control. Even boards requiring an “independent” are more often than not, just slotted with a party person who runs down to the board of elections to change their registration party line to “unaffiliated" just before their appointment. These boards are critical paths for influence and patronage forever cut off to third parties.

So there is little a third party can use to get a toehold on relevance in any state. Combine these policies with the larger structural challenge of our first past the post elections for individuals with no constitutional space for party representation in any house, and the problem is compounded. And, without a parliamentary system where a small party could wield influence in a coalition from time to time, being a third party legislator in the U.S. makes one irrelevant. Look at independents like Bernie Saunders or Angus King, who caucus with Democrats, just to have any relevance or position in the U.S. Senate.

So, while third party candidates like Jesse Ventura pop from time to time, or non-partisan municipal offices are taken by them, the lack of any sustained third party presence is built in, our system is rigged against them.

Third Party Privilege

I do not know why a person votes third party, but I am certain it is bound up in privilege. There is little third party voters feel they would actually lose if their vote goes for naught. They possess a surplus of political capital to splurge on a personal political trinket.

Some are surely idealist, believing that change has to begin somewhere. Do not move to the back of the bus, start rebelling and someone will show up who can drop the missile into the womp rat sized thermal port and blow up the Death Star. These voters want change and think it will happen because they want it to with no clue how change actually happens.

For others it is a perverse status marker. Not voting for unclean candidates, but instead supporting the “better” one that the unwashed masses just do not understand. It is following a trend that only an in-crowd appreciates. These voters pick their dog breeds in a similar fashion.

Some have the privilege of not needing to pay attention to politics. They hear bad things about Democrats or Republicans. But a third party is conceptually clean, a blank slate without the negative haze around the major parties. It may well seem as less potential for a mistake to vote third party than risk supporting the known negatives of a major party. These folks have a difficult time choosing from a restaurant menu, but always get the rockfish.

Then there are the fuck you people. These voters aim to make a negative point by taking their valuable vote away from a major party candidate specifically to harm their chances. These asshats also yell at service staff and often refuse to tip.

What ties all these types together is their belief that the ultimate result will be what they prefer, or at least not threaten their daily life. That is a definition of privilege.

Three Party Hangovers

In any election, third party candidates hurt both sides. depending on the parties involved. Libertarians likely take from Republicans while Greens take Democratic votes. Another permutation are those who would not vote the line without the third party, making this vote a wash for both sides. Unless with have ranked-choice voting, we will never know the answer with any certainty.

The overall point is that third party votes only serve to frustrate electoral consensus—these votes only spoil because they cannot succeed. Our electoral process, our governmental structure, the laws regulating parties and the distribution of administrative power all collude to make any third party top=ticket campaign a pointless exercise.

Trump became president, not from a popular vote, which lost going away, but due to 60,000 votes, basically a NFL game day stadium, went sideways in critical states. While there is no certain answer about the effect of third parties, the margins are small enough to make that a possibility.

Third Party Possible

With wide-spread adoption of ranked-choice voting and genuine third parties content to work from the grassroots up, taking the many “independent” seats often found in municipal offices or school boards to build a real base, maybe a third-party over a generation could work.

However, this would require work. And an understanding of politics. And knowledge of government. A third party must have strong organizing principles, not simply “we’re not them.” Because, owing to our structure of governance and how we elect officials, a third party is just a way to knock an older party off the pedistal—think Republicans over Whigs and Whigs following the Federalists.

But now, these third party presidential campaigns are vanity projects (and foreign influence targets) for said presidential candidates and fits of pique privilege for their voters.