Send Michael Myers to Greenland on a Secret Mission
What began as Trump-era satire led to an unexpected question: if Greenland seeks independence, what forms could that sovereignty actually take—and why might Canada make more sense than the United States?
Editor’s note (January 2026): This began life as a Trump satire piece in March 2025. Reader responses and follow-up research pushed its companion post into unexpectedly interesting territory. Given renewed attention to Arctic geopolitics and Greenland’s future, it is worth revisiting.
I wrote a piece a few days ago on Greenland joining Canada. Being no expert in either country, this began as pure Trump satire, not a genuine proposal. However, after cursory research to make the piece feel more real, this idea sounded, surprisingly, plausible. Readers had interesting notions and actual supportive replies.
What is independence really?
One thread in responses was that Greenland wants independence, not another country. This got my geek up concerning what independence means. Again, no expert, but as it stands Greenland, with home rule, is still a self-governing territory within the Kingdom of Denmark. Denmark maintains sovereignty, controlling foreign affairs, defense, currency, and immigration, and could end self-governance because it granted self-governance. A first step to independence is cutting off Denmark’s sovereignty from Greenland, with the world’s recognition. After that, there are choices.
Greenland could go it alone as one of the smallest countries in the world, by population, with its vast exploitable resources. That does risk descent into oligarchy as extraction-based economies tend to do, if there is not a sovereign wealth fund to distribute benefits to everyone. Or, Greenland could use its newfound agency and choose to integrate into another country in a way that enshrines its sovereignty and provides the democracy its people want to live in. Admission to Canada would be a negotiated process where autonomy is the condition of joining the federation. And Canada, constitutionally, provides much more autonomy than would ever be possible as a U.S. state.
Arctic Bonds
Greenland is an Arctic nation. Canada is an Arctic nation. Ottawa and nearly all the provincial capitals are closer to Greenland’s capital, Nuuk, than Copenhagen. If you look at eastern Canada, capital cities are about 1,000 miles and two time zones closer than Denmark. And there is Iqaluit, Nunavut, capital of the territory created in land claim settlements with the Inuit people, only 500 miles from Nuuk and that region’s majority Inuit population. There is a deeper geographic and cultural connection between Canada and Greenland than could ever exist with Denmark or the United States.
So Greenland could choose direct controls over what is most important in their daily lives while entering a partnership with Canada and tap into its robust economy, developed polity, and defense capacity, all for the benefit of Greenlanders.
The benefit to Canada
Just look at the map and see the benefit. On a square-mile basis, Canada already possesses, by far, the largest Exclusive Economic Zone in the Arctic Ocean. Combine that with Greenland and it is a serious presence in the Arctic. On a realpolitik level, Greenland makes the eastern flank of today’s Canadian Arctic much more defensible. On an environmental level, there would be one consistent policy for a threatened Arctic ecosystem. As for economics, Canada has the capacity to process and utilize Greenland’s natural resources, while ensuring Greenland is not an exploited colony. And Canada will possess a greater ability to move cargo as shipping increases through a thawing Arctic Ocean.
A secret mission for Mike Myers
One can see why Trump is twisted up about Greenland. The U.S. direct connection to the Arctic Ocean is minimal compared to other Arctic countries. And, being a real estate developer, Trump only thinks in terms of controlling property and does not understand long-term friendly and beneficial relations. It is how he sees the world and he will do aggressively stupid things if he thinks those will secure Greenland.
Given trade wars on hand, I can see Canada and Greenland would not want to actively poke Trump with a trolling icicle. Trump is already belligerent at the notion of Canada and the European Union working together. So, here is a suggestion to get the ball rolling with some plausible deniability. Send Mike Myers in to talk. Put together a CBC special called Getting Greenland. On the surface, it would look like Conan O’Brien’s trip from a few years back. In reality, Myers is a secret agent special envoy. Very fitting for Austin Powers to fight Dr. Evil in Greenland.
Of course, by typing this the idea becomes not so secret. But, I do not have that many reasons and I would be happy to bury my traces if the PM’s office asked me to.
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Eric Hensal
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